It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was a time that tried swimmers' souls.

Okay, not terribly original but the key to good writing is knowing from whom to steal. And the key to a good swim meet, as Dickens no doubt would have written, is having a good time. All of which leads to the 1999 Masters Long Course National Championships held in August at the University of Minnesota.

Let's say this about the meet organizers: they tried very hard. Let's say this too: they tried too hard. Masters swimming is not the Olympics. People work hard preparing to swim and want to perform well but if you can't laugh about the whole thing when it is over--whether you succeed or fail--then there's no point in showing up. The '99 nationals seemed to be in the hands of people who thought laughter should be against the rules.

Aaah yes, the rules. Everywhere you looked there were signs reminding you of the rule against diving into the pool during warmups. The signs were not only ubiquitous, they were literally threatening. "Anyone in violation will be removed from the premises." There was a similar sign posted Saturday telling people not to use the larger, more comfortable locker rooms located a few yards from the pool. Stick to the tiny, undersized, over-used locker room or be banned from the premises.

Come on folks, this was a swimming meet, not a meeting of Jesse Ventura's cabinet. Everyone knows the reason for the feet first rule during warm ups. Fine. Post it a couple places, announce it once a day. But when the day is over and some poor guy is about to dive into a 50 meter pool in which there is not a single person in sight, there's no reason to run down the deck screaming, "feet first! feet first!" as if the future of the Republic is stake. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it.

Anyway, onto the meet. Once all the threats were over, the swimming was quite impressive. Someone actually beat Bill Specht (in the 200 fly) which happens about as often as The Red Sox win The World Series. One swimmer--Tracie Moll--qualified for the Olympic Trials (in the 50 free) at the age of 36 and another--Wally Dicks, also 36, came close in the 100 breaststroke.

The highest point scorer for the Ancient Mariners though wasn't Dicks or Fell but Margot Pettijohn, who won four events--the 100 and 200 butterfly; the 100 and 200 breaststroke and finished second in the 50 fly and the 50 breast. Her analysis of her performance was succinct: "I'm not much of a sprinter," she said.

We should all struggle with sprints the way Pettijohn does.

Penny Bates, the only other female in the Ancient Mariner contingent, swam six events--she would swim in all of them if allowed--and placed in six events, including a pair of third places in two of the most grueling events in swimming: the 200 fly and the 1500 free. For good measure she went off to swim across the Mississippi River after finishing her 1500 on Monday.

The largest local contingent--as usual--was that of DC Masters led by Anne Walker who won all three backstroke events in the 80-84 division; Barbara Frid who proved her versatility by winning the 50 backstroke and the 1,500 free in 55-59 (and tossing in three seconds and a third for good measure) and Lee Bettis who won the 100and 200 back in 60-64. A host of DCM swimmers placed in all six events including Andrea Haines (50-54); Lawrence Cohen (60-64); Ruth Thorsen (75-79) and Mary Lathram (80-84). Denise Kirwin (45-49) settled for five medals, including a second in the 200 backstroke. The DCM women also placed four relays in the top three, including the mixed 240+ group of Bettis, Cohen, Frid and Beth Schreiner which won the 200 free relay in 2:12.49.

DC Aquatics had two swimmers who swam and placed in six events, Jennifer Vana(30-34) and Matthew Kinney (25-29). Potomac Valley chair Debbie Morrin was a one-woman team for Terrapin Masters and placed in three events and Mark Pugliese represented DC Parks and Recreation by himself and did just fine, placing in five events in the ultra-quick men's 45-49 age group including thirds in the 50 fly and the 200 back. Pugliese is one of those annoying people who improves with age.

Next summer's long course meet is a short trip up I-95 for Potomac Valley swimmers to the University of Maryland Baltimore County where Maryland Masters will host the nationals for the first time. One piece of advice: When getting in your car for the drive, be sure to enter feet first.